Valentine’s Day: the highlight of February for lovers, the second best thing for pancake-makers, and the epitome of all that’s wrong in the world for others. But love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day 2017 has something for everyone.
So if you adore your flatmate, fancy your pizza delivery boy or want to show appreciation for your Tinder date, here are 8 people you should give love to this Valentine’s Day (and a bunch of gift ideas):
1. Housemate: How Would I Kill This Spider Without You?
You’ve been through everything with your trusty housemate, from bathroom leaks and roaming insects to vicious hangovers and unhealthy Netflix binges. You faithfully mop up Prosecco spillages and diplomatically share the clothes horse (and many a cheese board). Celebrate Valentine’s with a gift for your shared abode:
Gold Disco Ball Drinking Cup; £10 – High volume Gloria Gaynor, rum punch and this drinking cup.
Fikkerts Jasmine Candle; £17 – Beat the hangover smell and be cosy and warm at the same time!
A4 Light Box; £25 – Baby you light up my world like nobody else.
2. Pizza Delivery Boy: You, Me + Papa John 4EVA
He’s the only man for you. He brings you carbs when you’re sad. Soft doorbell chimes signal his arrival and you simmer with excitement. No other man makes you salivate like he does. Give him a reason to end his shift early:
Tropical Fixie Bike Pizza Cutter; £18 – Cut the pizza together, hand on hand like on a wedding cake.
Stainless Steel Cocktail Shaker; £35 – In case your creepy show of love makes him consider a career change and turns him into a fabulous cocktail-making expert.
3. The Tinder Date You’re Going to Marry
We’ve all left a Tinder date with a cheesy magic spark and texted “omg he’s the one, I can feel it in me waters” while daydreaming on the train and missing our stop. Show him this Valentine’s Day that without a doubt you will totally 100% marry him whether he likes it or not:
Breakfast: Morning, Noon and Night book; £18.99 – Tell him you want to wake up with him. And then spend every single mealtime and hour of the day with him. In a non-creepy way. With a book.
4. The Brother Who Can’t Commit
Every time you go home for Christmas, he’s brought home another Laura (2014), Sarah (2015) and Katie (2016) – this man just can’t hold down a relationship! Time you let him practise his commitment skills:
Grow A Girlfriend; £2.50 – It’s like when Ebenezer Scrooge gets a Christmas Eve wake-up call.
5. Work Wife: She’s The Reason You’re Not In Prison
She stands by you through thick and thin, she makes stellar gift suggestions for your family, she covers for you when you’re suffering after a big night, she ensures you avoid arrest at all costs – she’s your work wife. Buy her a Valentine’s treat to say thanks:
Spreadsheet Queen Mug; £7.50 – Damn son, those formulae are spot-on.
Amber Hand Cream; £10 – Keeping ‘em supple for supreme typing.
Duckhead Umbrella; £22 – Protect her from the impending frizz fest.
6. The True Love (and the person you love unrequitedly)
Secretly, we’re suckers for love. We wouldn’t go so far as to sing “All You Need Is Love” and mean it (unless we’re watching Love Actually) – because you actually also need money, snacks and regular bathroom trips – but we do love love. Celebrate Valentine’s traditionally, with a gift for your love:
Reese Jersey Choker Dress; £35 – Buy her a date dress like Richard Gere rents shitloads of diamonds for Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.
HYMN Ant Red Slub Jumper; £50 – Roses are red. Soft, thick slub jumpers are red, too.
Stormtrooper Decanter; £21 – You sat through 2 hours 13 mins of Rogue One. You may as well get him the on-theme snazzy Star Wars Stormtrooper Decanter too.
Fikkerts Rose Bath Oil; £14 – Everyone loves a cosy bath. Some like a cosy bath together.
Diamond Whiskey Glasses Set; £20 – Be classy together with whiskey. Slurrrrrp.
7. BFF: The Christina To Your Meredith (Gal-entine’s Day Special)
You’ve been through everything from break-ups and bad jobs to leaving bags in Ubers and that holiday no-one’s supposed to talk about. Your BFF is your lifeline, the Christina Yang to your Meredith Grey, the Ant to your Dec. Celebrate the BFF this Valentine’s Day:
Grow A Boyfriend; £2.50 – She wants a grower, not a show-er.
Mojito Cocktail Gift Set; £12 – She DOES keep your secrets after eight cocktails.
Katie Loxton Love Heart Coin Purse; £14.99 – Because we want our BFF to buy it for us, too.
Grow Your Own Bunch of Flowers; £9 – Because the ones you got for her birthday made her sneeze. Now she’ll have no-one to blame but herself.
You’ve spent a whole year without Valentine’s Day. You are fantastic. You deserve large amounts of love and treats. So shop the WHOLE Valentine’s gift selection and get yourself a treat here.
Some final thoughts on love:
“The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return” – Christian, Moulin Rouge
“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.” – Axl Rose